I was sure I had gotten rid of this account long ago, but much to my horror and dismay it still exists. I'm guessing that was a hint not to delete this, besides it was different to see how happy and optimistic I used to be. It also reminded me that I have friends who still use this that I'm not in direct contact with.
So, let's use this space to complain about life.
School for the most part has taken its toll on me, I'm trying to get into college now. I really want to get into a private university, particularly a Catholic one, but I have to struggle with all of my college level courses. I'm considering maybe moving to Arizona as well.
I previously got out of an abusive relationship, I don't know if I mentioned that before on this, but that has taken the biggest chunk out of my spirit as far as how I used to be. I'm in a better relationship now, but I'm still picking up pieces of me along the way.
Last but not least, I've begun to notice how horribly depressed I am all the time. I don't value my life much, and I don't really care about my future. In fact, I'm very scared of whatever chapter is next in my life. I need to seek help, desperately. Though I'm scared to bring up what I believe may be an onset of the real deal depression that I've been scared of my whole life, but mental/emotional issues are not taken seriously in my family, so I'm running out of options. The only thing holding me together lately is my boyfriend's constant motivation, God and what faith I do have, and (don't laugh) roleplaying. I really wanna thank Gricken for interacting with me in that last bit. I don't think I could explain very well how that keeps me going, but imagining things and writing them down works wonders. I guess it's an outlet and a preventative against doing something stupid maybe.
I feel weird writing this, but I suppose maybe I should follow up one of these days and see if life has improved since now.